tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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