I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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