The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
