Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Randomize
