I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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