I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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