I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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