You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
