I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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