It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
