Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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