Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
God, I missed his penis.
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