Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
