I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
