I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
