The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
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