Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
