so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
