Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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