I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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