so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
