take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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