Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
