I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
