My friends, they love my intelligence
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
