every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
