okay pat passed out under dana's car
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
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