I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
