I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
