oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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