I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
