He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
