i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
