I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
