i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
