This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
