so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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