It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
