I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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