We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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