Don't make out with my wife yet
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
