I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
