careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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