i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
