You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Randomize
