Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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