six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
