I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
