im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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