I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
