There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
