Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
dude. I can hear the air.
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