drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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