I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
