remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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