somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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