You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
